Fragile Love

"There is a sense of madness loving things that just come and go, loving things that are fragile. Especially when you lose people you planned on loving long term. But you still need it, everyone needs love."
-Blood Brother (a documentary about Rocky Braat)

God created me with a very very sensitive heart. I am one of those people who can spend 2 days with a person and then spend 2 weeks crying when they leave. God has given me the ability to just open up my heart to outsiders and pour my heart and soul into them.

This is my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.

Because with this sensitive heart comes easily brokenness and with brokenness comes wounds and wounds are very distracting. When I am distracted I am not doing what God has asked of me.

Not long ago God gave me an amazing opportunity. I lived among a people who didn't receive the privilege that I have. Because of their darker skin, different language and culture the world saw them as less. To the world they were less intelligent, less beautiful and not worth their time. But I saw these people as not only my equals, not only beautiful but worth ALL of my time. And so I gave them that!

All good things must come to an end and the time came for me to go.
It broke my heart!
It broke my heart because I  loved these people and I had poured all my time, energy and love into them! I had served them and loved them with all of me. So when the day came that I had to kiss them goodbye and get on a boat to sail away the last thing I wanted to do was that! All I wanted to do was gather them up in my arms and NEVER EVER let them go!
But you know what? I was not alone that day!
As I cried my eyes out  I watched the people that I loved disappear in a cloud of dust! In just moments they were gone, with in a few days I was on the opposite side of the world.
 I felt lost!
 I didn't know what to do with myself!
The pain was almost unbearable!
All that I had love all that I knew, my whole life was just... gone!

But I wasn't alone.

God has a heart like mine. God puts a piece of me in each of us. When it says we were created in His image I think it means more than what meets the eye (literally!) I think God puts a part of His character in us. God is sovereign, just and powerful but God is also loving, compassionate and gentle! So in me when I see another soul who is hurting and I in turn hurt for them, that is part of the character of the Creator.

So as my soul grabbed onto the people that I loved and I screamed in my heart
"GOD NO! Don't take them! They are mine! I love them! You don't understand I love them!"
 In those days these were His words to me. As I clung to the desire to be with them. As I screamed "PLEASE GOD! Don't take them away! I hurt for them God. Help me because I hurt for them."

 He responded in the gentlest of ways "I have loved them longer than you. I have poured MY heart into them for longer than you. I knew them before they even existed in your world! I was working on each detail, forming each smile, each little curl in their hair. I formed their very beings! I created them! They are not yours, THEY ARE MINE! I gave them to you for a time. I gave them to you to love for a time. Now I am telling you to let go. I am asking you to place them in my hands and trust me. Because I have been working in their lives from the very start. You had them for a moment. I gave them to you. So now open your hands and let me take them."

Those words were hard to hear.
Let go. Walk away.

But its not just "let go" and "walk away"! It is hand them over to the Almighty who already has them!  But its about releasing them from your heart, stop holding on because you don't have to! He promised if I let go, if I accept that He is sovereign and that He loves them and cares for their needs and only desires what is best for them, I can have peace. I know that I did what I was supposed to do when I was supposed to do it!

It is okay because even if my heart breaks and I cry out "PLEASE DONT LET IT BREAK!" I have peace. Because God not only holds the people whom I love in His hands but He also holds my heart! He knows my heart is fragile. He made it that way.
He knows it is going to get broken. But He promised He will not let my heart shatter, not to the point in which He can not mend it. He made my heart and He made it just strong enough and He is the one shielding it from the things that threaten to tear it apart.

So even if it does break a little, if I am surrendered to Him He will put it back together with His love and His patience and His mercy. He will heal my wounds. Because He does love me and He does love those people. And that is all I need to know!